So, I've been spending a lot of time searching the internet lately. My google searches have gone a little something like this:
" How to know if your toddler has a behavioral disorder."
or
" How to deal with a toddler who won't take naps."
or
" What to do for an insecure toddler"
Needless to say, Emma has been a bit of a challenge lately. There have been a lot of big changes in her life, so some of it was to be expected, but she has gone above and beyond my expectations. Lately she will not stay in her room to go to sleep unless someone is in there with her. She gets out of her bed and runs out crying. Then almost every night she will run into our room crying at 3 or 4 in the morning. This has been going on since we had to go to the hospital with Mya. I figure it stems from that. She woke up one morning and we were gone. Maybe she's afraid that will happen again. I just don't know what to do about it. She is really insecure. She says she's scared of the monsters, but its hard to say if its legitimate or not. When she was 6 months old we had to learn to let her cry herself to sleep. Once she did, we have never had a problem until now. But now she can get out of bed and open the door. If she really is scared, I want to comfort her, but I don't want to make the problem worse by giving her too much attention. So, I wonder if any of you child psychiatrists (a.k.a Moms) have any suggestions for me on how to handle a kicking, screaming, hitting, crying, won't go to bed, 2 year old. And if you could tell me this is normal, I would feel a whole lot better too!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
I need help!
Posted by Lauri at 9:07 PM
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8 comments:
So, normal !!! Im dealing with the same thing !!! I feel your pain !
Lauri,
Yes, VERY NORMAL! She is acting out in ways that you never imagined. You are constantly struggling with... am I doing this right am I giving her enough attention, does she hate having a new baby? ... Is it all my fault...
At least that was me. I am sure that it is all due to a new sister and maybe that you weren't there one night. But she is okay.
William had the hardest time adjusting to his bed especially after Grace was in his crib. We went through all sorts of things with him to get him back in bed and to stay in bed. First laying with him ( not a good idea in my opinion). Then just putting him back in bed every time he got out. with the first time saying... Okay it's bed time, we are putting you to bed you need to stay in bed and go to sleep. Next time we are not going to say anything, and just put you in bed. (then every time after that putting them in bed with no talking an no eye contact. This can take a long time for the first few nights but it works for some people. I also saw it on Nanny 911 just a couple weeks ago.
But even when that worked for William he went through phases where we had to start over again and try something new once it didn't seem to work any more. Like if he got out of bed then he would be in time out, and the only choices were time out or bed.
Eventually he looked at night time time outs as a privilege... so that ended and he would get put to bed and a baby proof lock on the inside so he couldn't get out. Sounds mean... but desperate times call for desperate measures. :)
Then if he would cry for awhile we would go in, have in get back in bed or put him back in bed, say goodnight and then close the door. Eventually he went to bed (not this method included a lot of banging and throwing things at the door)
And now... he is 3... and he is starting to go to bed with very few complaints but we still shut his door.
What I have learned that when they say things like, I am scared of the monsters or William says he needs to go potty like five times after it is bed time, is that kids are VERY smart, they know what to say to work on your emotions and will do it to see if it gets what they want out of you.
I totally understand, you want to make sure she is okay, but really, she is okay and it sort of is another phase of learning to sleep through the night all over again. She is just older, smarter and knows mom and dad are tied around her little finger.
So my advice, try a method we have tried or research one of your own and be strong, it really is harder for you than her, although she is showing her emotion so intensely, and don't give up. It is not your fault, she is just fine and you do love her even if this is hard for her to learn. You are a FANTASTIC mom!
And know that this too will pass, I remember being in the situation and it feels so intense. Please let me know if you need anything... and sorry for this REALLY long post. :)
Take care... and we need to get together soon, you need a girls night!!!!
Hey Laurie and Tyler! In my opinion it is very normal. I can say from first hand experience that it is very hard for children to deal with change. After Ty and I got married and his daughter Kaili would stay with us, it was a nightmare. She wouldn't sleep unleses Tyler was next to her. She would wake up with bad dreams all the time, but she really did have night terrors, which were very scary. She would fight us and fight us on her naps, but usually we were able to get her to take one after 30-45 mins of screaming and kicking. Bath time was a nightmare, she didn't want water to get in her eyes, everything was crazy. That is just how they deal with change, and then slowly every so slowly things fall back into a normal schedule for them.They go through so many phases, but the older they get the better behaved they become. I would say the WORST thing for me was potty training with Kaili, but that wa because we only get her on the weekends, and she is with her mom the majority of the time, so her mom has most of the control. So that is a different issue than what you guys are dealing with, but toddlers as a whole are a lot the same! YOu are a good mom, who has been dealing with a lot lately! So just hang in there!
It has helped Dillan to have something he likes to take to bed with him (a blanket or stuffed animal). Our pediatrician told me when I had Brynn to make sure that I took at least 15 minutes a day where there were NO interuptions. I couldn't answer the phone or get Brynn. I had to put her to bed and let her cry if she didn't go to bed. I wasn't always great at that but when I was, it did help. I don't know if that would help the night issues too but who knows? It's hard for them when things change. That may be her way of getting attention or she may really be having nightmares. Maybe try to get her to tell you what she is scared of and say a prayer with her to help her feel better. It can be very frustrating. Good luck and let me know how it goes!
I saw the method that Angela put on there on Super Nanny. She knows everything. :) jk. But she did suggest to just keep putting them to bed over and over and only talk to them the first time. It worked on the show. Good luck! I wouldn't worry about a behavior disorder at this age. If it's still a real concern at 3 you can contact people to assess her through the school district. Are you ready for some girl time yet? Call me! Love ya.
You poor thing. I have so been there (many times!) and, even though it's perfectly normal, it's not fun! I think your friends have given you some great advice here. It takes most kids a while to adjust to big changes, but she WILL adjust and you'll find a happy foursome routine sooner than you think! Isn't being a mom fun?! :) You're doing great!
Totally normal:)
So sorry for you. She'll adjust in no time.
Hang in there.
Totally normal. Even though it sucks, it's totally normal. Hang in there Lauri ): Since you've already gotten lots of advice I won't give you more, but I'll just say that it helps when I have a hard day with one of the kids to have a day where I go to work and get out of the house and talk to adults, and it seems my kids are better for other people most of the time and I think it's good for them to have breaks from me, too. So maybe if you could get breaks from it you would feel better able to handle it when it arises. Hang in there, whenever my kids go through stages like this, it seems like it will never end but I promise it does.
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